Recently the former Governor of California fulfilled one of his life-long dreams; buying a tank. Or in his words, “Owning my own fucking tank!” Personally, I could not be more terrified with this news. I mean Arnold is a scary guy by himself, but now he’s cruising around LA in his very own killing machine. I mean this is the guy that killed Predator with basically nothing. Imagine what he could do with one of these bad boys. That has to put him on some sort of watch list or something.
Luckily, Arnold seems to have nothing but good intentions for his new toy. With a stroke of brilliance, and maybe a little insanity, the Terminator decided to use his tank for charity. And no, not as a scare tactic. For a mere $10 you can enter for a chance to fuck shit up with the Govenator’s tank. If that doesn’t get you rock hard, I don’t know what will. Win the contest, and you and your friend will be flown out to LA for an all expenses payed day with the man himself, where you’ll have oodles of fun with one of Hollywoods biggest and most foreign stars. Activities include shattering your self-confidence by working out with the Austrian Oak, smoking stogies (presumably Cuban because he’s rich so, fuck it, right?), and the icing on the cake, crushing whatever the fuck you want in the Govenator’s crushinator.
That was a terrible joke…
Anyways, if you’re lucky enough to win this contest, choosing what to crush can be a difficult choice. I mean, there are so many things that a full scale tank is capable of crushing. Luckily, Arnold’s video gives a few examples of the types of things that can have their day ruined for your entertainment. Things like a piano, a giant egg, a taxi cab, a table full of birthday cakes past, and my personal favorite, an industrial sized roll of bubble wrap. It really shows a softer side to the beast of a man that is Arnold Schwarzenegger. If it were me, I’d crush the one thing I hate more than anything in this world; a smart car. I mean who the fuck would drive one of those things? Sure their good on milage, and better for the environment and all that shit, but come on. Not worth it. But regardless of what is to be crushed, it’s sure to be a great time full of destruction and eastern European accents.
All Proceeds from this contest go to After School Allstars, a charity that funds afterschool programs to help children succeed in school. Learn more at http://www.afterschoolallstars.org/
– Dirty Pat