Humor

This Dog Should Make Your Monday Better

Screen Shot 2014-03-24 at 12.11.50 AMOne Happy Dog.

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Schwarzenegger Buys Himself A Tank

Recently the former Governor of California fulfilled one of his life-long dreams; buying a tank. Or in his words, “Owning my own fucking tank!” Personally, I could not be more terrified with this news. I mean Arnold is a scary guy by himself, but now he’s cruising around LA in his very own killing machine. I mean this is the guy that killed Predator with basically nothing. Imagine what he could do with one of these bad boys. That has to put him on some sort of watch list or something.

Luckily, Arnold seems to have nothing but good intentions for his new toy. With a stroke of brilliance, and maybe a little insanity, the Terminator decided to use his tank for charity. And no, not as a scare tactic. For a mere $10 you can enter for a chance to fuck shit up with the Govenator’s tank. If that doesn’t get you rock hard, I don’t know what will. Win the contest, and  you and your friend will be flown out to LA for an all expenses payed day with the man himself, where you’ll have oodles of fun with one of Hollywoods biggest and most foreign stars. Activities include shattering your self-confidence by working out with the Austrian Oak, smoking stogies (presumably Cuban because he’s rich so, fuck it, right?), and the icing on the cake, crushing whatever the fuck you want in the Govenator’s crushinator.

That was a terrible joke…

Anyways, if you’re lucky enough to win this contest, choosing what to crush can be a difficult choice. I mean, there are so many things that a full scale tank is capable of crushing. Luckily, Arnold’s video gives a few examples of the types of things that can have their day ruined for your entertainment. Things like a piano, a giant egg, a taxi cab, a table full of birthday cakes past, and my personal favorite, an industrial sized roll of bubble wrap. It really shows a softer side to the beast of a man that is Arnold Schwarzenegger. If it were me, I’d crush the one thing I hate more than anything in this world; a smart car. I mean who the fuck would drive one of those things? Sure their good on milage, and better for the environment and all that shit, but come on. Not worth it. But regardless of what is to be crushed, it’s sure to be a great time full of destruction and eastern European accents.

All Proceeds from this contest go to After School Allstars, a charity that funds afterschool programs to help children succeed in school. Learn more at http://www.afterschoolallstars.org/

– Dirty Pat

Don’t Drink The Water At The Cyrus House

Well just when you thought that the Cyrus family couldn’t get any stranger Billy Ray Cyrus comes out with this collaboration with unknown rapper, Buck 22. A remake of “Achy Breaky Heart” just what the world needs right now…

Not.

So lets look at the music video. It starts out with Larry King and then Buck 22 and Billy Ray Cyrus get abducted by some weird alien chicks. I mean this just screams weird, and makes me wonder what kind of hallucinations and or stupid ideas you would get if you lived in the  Cyrus house hold .

Example 1.

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Example 2.

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Example 3.

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Is It Not Obvious That Boston Would Be The City That Spent More Money on Booze and Cigarettes Than Other Cities

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Well in this new survey presented by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Boston is ranked as number one in alcohol and cigarette sales. And to this I say; DUH! I mean have you ever walked down a street in Boston. Theres always some guy brown bagging it at 9am smoking a Marlboro red. I mean why bother even looking at this you know we would win because that’s what we do in this town and state, we win! Title town for now and evermore.

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Boston’s new spirit Animal Mike Napoli!

Top 10 Things To Do During a Snowstorm

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So at the moment we’re getting blasted with a nice snow storm which got me to think about my favorite things to do during a snowstorm.

1. Drink- Hey you have no better way to spend the day, and you really have nowhere to go and no business being on the roads. That means its time to crack a beer, mix up your favorite cocktail, or if you’re really brave take a shot every time a plow or sander goes by.

2. Surf The internet for countless hours– Now this is not a real change for most people (neither is number one for some), but how can you not love just sitting and surfing the internet for no real reason.

3. Marathon Video Game Sessions- Whether you’re a Playstation user or an Xbox fan we can all agree that a snowstorm, is the perfect time to feed our gaming habit, and play for hours. And why? Because we can.

4. Movie Marathon- Whether it be your favorite Disney Movies, All the Lord of The Rings Films, or any other random selections movie marathons are fun (unless you get stuck watching The Notebook or some other awful chick flick.) Plus you can do number 1 while you’re watching movies.

5. Sleep In- This one is sort of self-explanatory.

6. Bake Stuff or Cook Something- Whether it be baking cookies or cooking something in the crockpot there’s nothing better than something hot and warm on a winter day…

7. Throw Snowballs at friends/various family members If you’re like me then you know the fun of pegging someone with a snowball and instigating and winning snowball fights because loosing is not an option.

8. Sledding- This one is kind of self-explanatory too. Just don’t mix this and number one.

9. Play Board Games or Cards- While drinking is my primary snowstorm activity I also love playing board games or cards. In fact one of my good friends called me last night with the idea of getting snowed in and playing board games all night and day.

10. Peeing Your Name In The Snow- If you’re of the male gender and live in a cold climate I know you’ve at least attempted this once (or more.) This to me is an integral part of the snow removal process.

Honorable Mention- Procrastinating Shoveling, and or bitching about shoveling or snow blowing.